I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
