Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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