her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I have post one night stand depression
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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