the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
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