i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
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i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
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Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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