Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
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