We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
