He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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