im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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