My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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