I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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