Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
