Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
After last night, I could never be a politician.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
