when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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