I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
We have started to decorate penises.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
