Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
