I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
