I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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