I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
