i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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