Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
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