Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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