HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
