If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
