You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
