she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
