Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
