For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
