Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
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Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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