Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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