The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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