By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
