My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
