Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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