i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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