You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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