Who did Billy Mays play for?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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