it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
