we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
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My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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