my being single is dangerous.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
