i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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