too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
