mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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