would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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