I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
