well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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