So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
