well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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