Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
