is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
