is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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