from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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