he wants to bone in the snuggie
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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