im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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