Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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