Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
