cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
