I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
