need another drink. this is the easiest way
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
