Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
