I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
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