She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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