I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
