Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
